Dear Angel,

Things I've learnt about people in general. When you care too much, you will never get to the top of their list. In a way, maybe I should just care less. Just love myself. No matter what happens, love myself the most. So even if one day no one loves me in the world, I will still have myself. Is that being too selfish?
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Keep getting into arguments with mother this time I came back, I don't know why either. But every time kicks up an argument, just makes me want to run away more. The more she wants me attention, the more she gets jealous, the more I turn away from her. There is nothing I want to say to her. There is nothing that interest both of us. That's why I choose to say nothing. There is nothing going on in my life, what's there to share? Why do I talk to my friends more? Simply cuz they have things to tell me! Why do I talk to Jasmine all the time? Cuz shw updates me with her daily share of scandals and stories. Hence I listen. What does my mum share? How annoying my aunt and uncle is? I listen too. I comment. But what else is new? Nothing. Why have I not told her anything about my life yet? Because she judges, she gets jealous. That's why I have not told her anything about Joe yet. I want to.. I really do. Many times, it's slipping out, but somehow I managed to hold it back. Because I don't want her to worry. Hence there is nothing left to say.

I don't know who's fault it is that our relationship ended up in this way. Maybe both parties we have fault. And both of us too stubborn to admit at wrong. Maybe I never gave her enough securities, but in a way, I don't know how to. I thought I have already been doing my best but she is always asking for more. How am I to give in all the time. I know that she has done a lot for me, and I do truly appreciate it but still, there is nothing I can do or want to do about it. Cuz any further step I take, I'm losing.

Balance in life, I've been trying to maintain. But when you meet someone so possessive, how do I learn to love and accept? Will it come to one day that I will give up myself to be who she wants me to be? No. I love myself too much for that..

Love,
Charlotte