i fucked up.
creating unnecessary trouble for myself, for this relationship..
leaving everything behind, living in another time zone, i had a feeling of being free to do anything again in a span of 1 year. i embraced it, greedily savoring every seconds of it. and i forgot what is most important to me.
when moment i knew i hurt him, my heart stopped again. i do not know what else to say. the sorrow of betrayal that i have put him through endless times, i do not want to fend for myself anymore. i do not want to hurt him, ever, in the future. made me realised our gap in our morality.
i'd let myself die slowly inside, fall into the patch of ever-ending darkness, secretly watching him move on, leave me behind, finally emerging into the beautiful world.
---
i have nothing to begin with, you gave me everything, my smile, my love, my emotions, my trust.
now that you're gone, you are free to take everything that you gave me with you..
let my broken smile be repaired on your face; take my trust and keep it in your heart; bring my love and give to someone else; embrace my emotions and treasure that every second of happiness i've felt with you, share it with your other half..
then.. even in darkness, i'll see the light of your smile, feel the warmth of your love. while i fade away in the background

Every time you walk close,
the calmness within me ripples to the rhythm of your heartbeat;
the lustful passion in my bloodstream dance to your whispering seduction.
I shy away, only to be lured closer;
I run and hide, only to provoke a temptation, more alluring.
The is the dangerous love game we play..
But now, I must leave, for good
to stop myself from falling,
to save myself from drowning.
For I have already slowly fallen head over toes,
lost in your words, your voice, your smile.