Dearest angel,
Has there been a time when there's so much you wanna tell the one you love, but it just doesn't come out. You love them for being the stupidest self, doing the weirdest thing. Maybe love, is a type of gratitude. Thanking a person for being so truthful to yourself, thanking them for trusting you so much to show you the most vulnerable part. In return, you reveal yours. What really love is, I dun think anyone can really explain. Maybe it is jsut everything combined in one.
Still learning,
Charlotte
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Dear angel of dreams
I often long to be someone else.. Have you? Someone more witty? More independent? More caring.. Sweeter, nicer, happier. While what I have already become, seems like no one. Never contented with who I am.
Seeming confident at times, yes. Seeming smart and sarcastic and independent? Yes. But how come, it seems to me that I am never really contented with who I am? Often I others, don't thik so much, we all love you for you are, no one can be perfect.. I know that all but really? Telling Jiaying how she should not care that much how others view her. But deep within, it feels like I'm actually much much more insecure than she is. About everything. Family, friends, lovers..
And often looking back, there are so much that happened last year that i wish to undo. Never once in my life, I've wanted to turn back time so badly. Hatred was a word that I thought I would never encounter with again. Forgiveness was my resolution to everyone who has done me wrong.. Trying hard not to be like a Scorpio, not vengeful, not jealous, not possessive.. All that I wish I'm not. Been denying all this while, that I am no where close to these qualities. Convincing myself to forgive and forget; that I don't hold grudges, that I shouldn't blame anyone for mistakes that I have made; that I can be friends with anyone, even if they've crossed my path.. But just suddenly I woke up one day realising that I can't. All that I was striving hard to be, a cheerful girl who forgives and forgets, who remembers only happiness and good times a person brought to her.. I'm not like that. So what have I become? Overnight it seemed like I have lost myself. I still hate, I still can't let go, I still wish I can be bitchy and never ever see that person ever again, and slap him in the face and curse him to never attain happiness in his life. But yet again, I can't. Helplessly swingly back and forth the 2 extremes. Once I viewed myself as being someone who can don't care about everything that happened in life, but not really... I can't really.. Have you ever felt that helpless in your life? Or do you see me as someone so small, so dependent on everything, everyone. Hate to admit, but in the end, after the whole year, I still bowed to the very fact that I am just like any other girl walking, living in this world. One who cares about every little detail.. Wishes to be understood without having to speak. Humans.. We're all alike, aren't we? No matter how hard we strive ot be different from each other. No matter how hard we strive to be more independent, not rely on another person, there's still always part of us longing to be discovered by someone who just really cares and loves you for no matter who you are.. and that is always easier said than done. History will always matter, no matter what you did.
Angel, regrets.. Do they do you any good?
Truly,
Charlotte
I often long to be someone else.. Have you? Someone more witty? More independent? More caring.. Sweeter, nicer, happier. While what I have already become, seems like no one. Never contented with who I am.
Seeming confident at times, yes. Seeming smart and sarcastic and independent? Yes. But how come, it seems to me that I am never really contented with who I am? Often I others, don't thik so much, we all love you for you are, no one can be perfect.. I know that all but really? Telling Jiaying how she should not care that much how others view her. But deep within, it feels like I'm actually much much more insecure than she is. About everything. Family, friends, lovers..
And often looking back, there are so much that happened last year that i wish to undo. Never once in my life, I've wanted to turn back time so badly. Hatred was a word that I thought I would never encounter with again. Forgiveness was my resolution to everyone who has done me wrong.. Trying hard not to be like a Scorpio, not vengeful, not jealous, not possessive.. All that I wish I'm not. Been denying all this while, that I am no where close to these qualities. Convincing myself to forgive and forget; that I don't hold grudges, that I shouldn't blame anyone for mistakes that I have made; that I can be friends with anyone, even if they've crossed my path.. But just suddenly I woke up one day realising that I can't. All that I was striving hard to be, a cheerful girl who forgives and forgets, who remembers only happiness and good times a person brought to her.. I'm not like that. So what have I become? Overnight it seemed like I have lost myself. I still hate, I still can't let go, I still wish I can be bitchy and never ever see that person ever again, and slap him in the face and curse him to never attain happiness in his life. But yet again, I can't. Helplessly swingly back and forth the 2 extremes. Once I viewed myself as being someone who can don't care about everything that happened in life, but not really... I can't really.. Have you ever felt that helpless in your life? Or do you see me as someone so small, so dependent on everything, everyone. Hate to admit, but in the end, after the whole year, I still bowed to the very fact that I am just like any other girl walking, living in this world. One who cares about every little detail.. Wishes to be understood without having to speak. Humans.. We're all alike, aren't we? No matter how hard we strive ot be different from each other. No matter how hard we strive to be more independent, not rely on another person, there's still always part of us longing to be discovered by someone who just really cares and loves you for no matter who you are.. and that is always easier said than done. History will always matter, no matter what you did.
Angel, regrets.. Do they do you any good?
Truly,
Charlotte
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