不知道为什么，每一次回到这里，心情都会变得平静一点，伤感一些。平静，可能源于这里是家。在家里总会有种安全感。伤感，为什么呢？ 空气中有种熟息的味道，参杂这对往事的种种留恋，从中四到去年，爱情、友情、亲情、所有所有。可是我到底在留恋什么？唯一可谈话的是joe可偏偏他又不在。对于jed的离开，我想我是不后悔的。一个令我不想做自己，害怕做自己的人，我无法与他一起走完我余留的人生。往后还有50年，人生到底是短暂还是漫长呢？

是的，我是任性的。我也是记仇的。
总会吧感情里的点点滴滴用心地记起，在深深地在自己身上画上一道。让一颗原本因你而完整的心变得丑陋，难堪。我暂时会用笑容带过，假装忘记。然后让这些伤痕漫漫累积，最后狠心地离开你。留下伤痕，送给你。那是最好的离别的礼物。
你看，我们有那么多悔恨、不快，你忘了我吧。
我的脸上戴上淡淡的笑容，渐渐走出你的生命。
那时的你会想：是我伤害了你。但你的心灵依然美丽。
那时的我会回：谢谢你，接受了我丑陋的伤疤。你让我在此美丽，我你却因我变得丑陋。

你是我最爱的娃娃

你是谁？我又是你的什么？有时觉得答案很简单，我们只是彼此的娃娃，可爱的娃娃罢了。
像小孩一样，曾拥有过的娃娃。因为当我快乐时，有你陪着我玩，难过时，有你陪着我哭，灵魂有了寄托，不孤单了而认定了你是我的另一半。真的吗？有这么一个另一半吗？还是孤独的人边的一个谎言，美丽的故事，告诉自己会有那么一天，我会真正的快乐。就像回到儿时，买回家的新娃娃给自己带来的满足，幸福。你就是我的另一半，你是我的洋娃娃。

窗外在飘着雪，是满天飞舞的，华丽的，给这个有人的季节又在增添了丝丝凉意。房里是温热的。7个女孩，和5个19岁的男孩共处了3日。男孩们有活力，还带着一点偏幼稚。那份天不怕，地不怕，明天一切会更好的心理，虽有些恼人，但细想后还是蛮可爱的。我想：几年前的我是否也是如此。而现在呢？那份勇气，那份天真，稚气又跑去了哪里？和他们打着雪战，我怀念16岁的我。讨回了在我心中还余留着的一丝童真。那时的笑我想是发自内心是快乐的。
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我害怕老去，比谁都怕。18岁那年就觉得我的一生已过了一半。不知为何我从没相信过会有人陪我走完一生。常抱着爱情不放，可又固执的把爱推开因为害怕失去，所以从不敢拥有。我就是那么的懦弱。
女人最灿烂，最动人，最光鲜的年龄不过在16－25 岁之间。而22岁的我早已快用尽，挥霍玩了我的年轻，美丽。剩下的年月女人只能无奈的看着自己一天一天衰老，枯萎。那是再有权威，智慧的女人也无法避免的命运。我害怕。我害怕在这些岁月里我需要一个人走。我想相信嘉说的话。但我更害怕失去本已拥有的。我无奈，我挣扎，我迷茫。

Angel,

这次的离开让我清楚发现，我不想去巴黎，不是怕也不是烦。只是因为我爱 Joe。不想管是对的错的，不想管未来是否会辛苦，我只想与他地老天荒，白头到老。

枫

J,

Your words are like poison. Sweet as nectar, sharp as knife. Seeping through my veins, piercing through my heart. I'm shivering in pain. Muted by love. I dare not make a sound. I cry. Then conceal it with a smile. Did you know.. Did you know?

The pain that I'm hiding. Just to see you smile.

C

Dear Angel,

Things I've learnt about people in general. When you care too much, you will never get to the top of their list. In a way, maybe I should just care less. Just love myself. No matter what happens, love myself the most. So even if one day no one loves me in the world, I will still have myself. Is that being too selfish?
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Keep getting into arguments with mother this time I came back, I don't know why either. But every time kicks up an argument, just makes me want to run away more. The more she wants me attention, the more she gets jealous, the more I turn away from her. There is nothing I want to say to her. There is nothing that interest both of us. That's why I choose to say nothing. There is nothing going on in my life, what's there to share? Why do I talk to my friends more? Simply cuz they have things to tell me! Why do I talk to Jasmine all the time? Cuz shw updates me with her daily share of scandals and stories. Hence I listen. What does my mum share? How annoying my aunt and uncle is? I listen too. I comment. But what else is new? Nothing. Why have I not told her anything about my life yet? Because she judges, she gets jealous. That's why I have not told her anything about Joe yet. I want to.. I really do. Many times, it's slipping out, but somehow I managed to hold it back. Because I don't want her to worry. Hence there is nothing left to say.

I don't know who's fault it is that our relationship ended up in this way. Maybe both parties we have fault. And both of us too stubborn to admit at wrong. Maybe I never gave her enough securities, but in a way, I don't know how to. I thought I have already been doing my best but she is always asking for more. How am I to give in all the time. I know that she has done a lot for me, and I do truly appreciate it but still, there is nothing I can do or want to do about it. Cuz any further step I take, I'm losing.

Balance in life, I've been trying to maintain. But when you meet someone so possessive, how do I learn to love and accept? Will it come to one day that I will give up myself to be who she wants me to be? No. I love myself too much for that..

Love,
Charlotte